a letter to my favorite no cal sweetener

Dear Splenda:
When you and I met over 2 years ago I thought you were the best thing since sliced bread. You have no calories, you taste way better than Equal or Sweet N Low, and should I ever get the inclination to bake something from scratch (yeah, right) I could use you instead of sugar. Your claim to fame is that you taste just like real sugar without an unpleasant aftertaste like other artificial sweeteners. Agreed, you do. You are made from sucralose (whatever that means). I use 2 packets of you every morning in each cup of coffee that I drink. Some mornings that means one cup, often it means at least two. Now, out of the blue, there is all this coverage in the media that you are bad for me. Turns out that you are not "natural" like you once claimed to be. You are a chlorinated artificial sweetener. Also, studies have shown that you, Splenda, suppress beneficial bacteria and block the absorbtion of nutrients. What am I to do now? I don't think I can just leave you high and dry. I can't possibly quit you cold turkey Splenda, you mean too much to me. I guess I will just group you with my other best friend, Diet Coke, and add you to my long list of things "that ARE NOT good for me but who cares I am going to eat/drink you anyways". Sincerely, your most loyal of friends, Keri